wife: fucking raymond. fucking mark summers. fucking fuck. fuck. shit. fucking. fuck.
me: so... how's that tourette's going?
wife: penis.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
dialogue over dinner
Harvard Affiliate Nearly Robbed Outside Kirkland
see, this makes no sense to me. there are plenty of good places to try to rob someone in harvard square. in front of kirkland house is probably the worst.
yes, it's a slow enough day that i'm reading the crimson.
yes, it's a slow enough day that i'm reading the crimson.
funny lookin'?
last night, the wife and i had finished up our standard romantic dinner and were all in our pj's and getting ready to snuggle into bed, when my phone rang. it was my dear cousineighbor, calling to suggest that i accompany her to an improv show at her home away from home, the upright citizens brigade theatre (they spell it all britishy because they're snobby and dyslexic). i looked at my watch. it was already after 9 and creeping towards my 10:00 bedtime.
"fuck it," i said, and went.
it was really fun. the performers were writers for snl and the daily show, which made me feel cool by osmosis. and i had a great excuse to skip my run this morning.
"fuck it," i said, and went.
it was really fun. the performers were writers for snl and the daily show, which made me feel cool by osmosis. and i had a great excuse to skip my run this morning.
Monday, January 30, 2006
so.
took the good ol' greyhound back to boston this weekend for the Dynamic Women in Business conference at hbs.what a waste of a saturday.
i just want to know when they're going to have the "type-b slacker women in business" conference, cause that's more my speed. then again, they probably couldn't get their shit together to actually pull that off, and no one would actually bother going, so maybe it's not going to happen.
on the upside, i returned with 2-3 fewer inches of hair, clean underwear, a new sweater and a george forman grill. on balance: worth it, i think.
Friday, January 27, 2006
thinking of me? how sweet.
early this morning, i got an im from an ex-whathaveyou, telling me that he woke up with the worst hangover he's had in a long time. and - get ready to be really touched - it made him think of me.
all together now: "awwwwwwwwww..."
all together now: "awwwwwwwwww..."
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
more excellent monkey shots
enjoy some of these less ugly monkeys, in case you have a life, or job, that prevents you from scouring the site like i did:
also, know that you can ADOPT A MONKEY, thus making yourself the coolest person i know, without contest.
also, know that you can ADOPT A MONKEY, thus making yourself the coolest person i know, without contest.
quite possibly the greatest thing i've ever seen
if this shit is for real - and it looks like it is - then this is the best thing ever. maggie's boss, mr. pit, apparently just donated enough to provide fruit, vegetables and training treats for two monkeys in training.what a fine citizen.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
a bad sign
i just got home from work. i get a call from mom:
mom: does your office have caller ID?
me: yes.
mom: oh. hmm....
and i can't believe i forgot to mention
alta, the fantastic tapas place in the village where we dined friday night. definitely check it out. definitely get the bacon-wrapped dates. i also recommend all the desserts on the menu, particularly the bittersweet chocolate risotto.
aw, crap. now i'm drooling.
aw, crap. now i'm drooling.
a theological test
if i make it to the weekend without getting shitcanned, i'll know there is a god. and that - for some reason - she likes me.
Monday, January 23, 2006
the weekend hiatus
good times, good times.
yesterday, we had brunch at essex. the food gets a 9.5. the service gets a 1. it's worth it if you have the time and patience for the retardedly long wait (we waited for a table for about an hour and a half, and waited for forks for ten minutes after our food arrived). the waitstaff is overworked and incompetent and sometimes downright rude (see amelia's story for a shocking example) but the cocktails flow like lube at the adult movie awards and the people-watching is unbeatable. plus, you can entertain yourself during your excruciatingly long wait by exploring the shabby-chic neighborhood and all it has to offer, particularly economy candy (i am enjoying my new ernie-shaped pez dispenser at this very moment) and toys in babeland (and my mini flashlight-keyring-vibrator... i think i might lose my job today).
then, when we had barely digested that schmorgasboard, we headed crosstown to dine with friends in their fucking spectacular new palace of an apartment. as they are good cooks and tidy people with a pull-out couch in a very convenient location, i intend to invite myself to many a pajama party there.
yesterday, we had brunch at essex. the food gets a 9.5. the service gets a 1. it's worth it if you have the time and patience for the retardedly long wait (we waited for a table for about an hour and a half, and waited for forks for ten minutes after our food arrived). the waitstaff is overworked and incompetent and sometimes downright rude (see amelia's story for a shocking example) but the cocktails flow like lube at the adult movie awards and the people-watching is unbeatable. plus, you can entertain yourself during your excruciatingly long wait by exploring the shabby-chic neighborhood and all it has to offer, particularly economy candy (i am enjoying my new ernie-shaped pez dispenser at this very moment) and toys in babeland (and my mini flashlight-keyring-vibrator... i think i might lose my job today).
then, when we had barely digested that schmorgasboard, we headed crosstown to dine with friends in their fucking spectacular new palace of an apartment. as they are good cooks and tidy people with a pull-out couch in a very convenient location, i intend to invite myself to many a pajama party there.
Friday, January 20, 2006
methinks gawker knows too much
in their coverage of naked sunday, gawker links to another article. and, in what can only be a freaky/awesome mistake, they refer to "Julie No-Pants Subway Ride".
they're on to me.
they're on to me.
help!
i went to amazon because there was one book - one! - that i wanted. now i have $172.30 worth of shit in my cart, and i don't know what to take out. i'm not even a very literate person. most of this is angry feminist bitch lit and last year's new york times bestsellers cause i'm mainstream and cheesy. but i want it all. maybe you can help. here's what i have:
- curtis sittenfeld: prep
- mary gaitskill: veronica
- haruki murakami: kafka on the shore
- simone de beauvoir: the second sex
- betty friedan: the feminist mystique
- naomi wolf: the beauty myth
- zadie smith: on beauty (i hear it's set at "not harvard", which makes me want to read it)
- joan didion: the year of magical thinking
- maureen dowd: are men necessary? (don't even try to talk me out of this one)
- ana marie cox (a.k.a. wonkette): dog days
(oh, there's also some other random merch in there, hanging closet organizers and shit that i kinda need, which explains why the total is higher than maybe it would seem it should be)
so help me out here, kids! which of these have you read and hated? and which of these should i not bother with? and which of these do you own and want to lend me so i don't have to eat dust bunnies and back issues of Us magazine next month?
- curtis sittenfeld: prep
- mary gaitskill: veronica
- haruki murakami: kafka on the shore
- simone de beauvoir: the second sex
- betty friedan: the feminist mystique
- naomi wolf: the beauty myth
- zadie smith: on beauty (i hear it's set at "not harvard", which makes me want to read it)
- joan didion: the year of magical thinking
- maureen dowd: are men necessary? (don't even try to talk me out of this one)
- ana marie cox (a.k.a. wonkette): dog days
(oh, there's also some other random merch in there, hanging closet organizers and shit that i kinda need, which explains why the total is higher than maybe it would seem it should be)
so help me out here, kids! which of these have you read and hated? and which of these should i not bother with? and which of these do you own and want to lend me so i don't have to eat dust bunnies and back issues of Us magazine next month?
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
riddle of the day
q: what do you get when you cross a bus full of angry new yorkers and indignant patriots fans, a traffic jam, and a drug-addled driver?
a: that's right, it's our six-hour ride home!
yesterday, at around 4:00 pm EST, the wife and i decided (naively enough) to board a boston-to-new york bus. four and a half hours, right? maybe faster, given that the "holiday" status would free us of that sticky "rush hour" problem, right? yeah?
wrong. we failed to take into account 1) insane traffic for most of the ride (why? we still don't know.) and 2) the fact that our driver was apparently on smack.
more than once, upon encountering a traffic jam, he pulled over to the side of the road, staggered to the back of the bus, did something (we didn't ask questions) in the bathroom, and plopped himself down in one of the rear seats while befuddled passengers glanced around in disbelief. apparently, the best way to clear a traffic jam is to just FUCKING GIVE UP.
anyway, disastrous ride home aside, the weekend was good, smirnoff ice-fueled fun. we had our first taste of impending "marriage" at pauline's engagement party, reconnected with the ya-yas and did some serious outlet shopping damage. plus, i got to stay in the parents' house even though they were out of town, which was fun because it felt like breaking and entering.
a: that's right, it's our six-hour ride home!
yesterday, at around 4:00 pm EST, the wife and i decided (naively enough) to board a boston-to-new york bus. four and a half hours, right? maybe faster, given that the "holiday" status would free us of that sticky "rush hour" problem, right? yeah?
wrong. we failed to take into account 1) insane traffic for most of the ride (why? we still don't know.) and 2) the fact that our driver was apparently on smack.
more than once, upon encountering a traffic jam, he pulled over to the side of the road, staggered to the back of the bus, did something (we didn't ask questions) in the bathroom, and plopped himself down in one of the rear seats while befuddled passengers glanced around in disbelief. apparently, the best way to clear a traffic jam is to just FUCKING GIVE UP.
anyway, disastrous ride home aside, the weekend was good, smirnoff ice-fueled fun. we had our first taste of impending "marriage" at pauline's engagement party, reconnected with the ya-yas and did some serious outlet shopping damage. plus, i got to stay in the parents' house even though they were out of town, which was fun because it felt like breaking and entering.
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