there's a first time for everything

i'm... jealous of hilary duff?

seriously. i want chevy chase to hug me like this:

can someone please explain this ad to me?

i just... don't understand.

the road to a professional degree is... yoga? seriously. i'm baffled.

[from nytimes.com]

today in "things my boyfriend called out when mostly asleep this morning"

"i don't want a duck!"

a text message i actually had to send

that i am going senile is no longer up for debate:

me: i need you to do me a favor when you get home - look in the oven. if there is a sweet potato in there, let me know. don't ask.

Maria Shriver plans vegetable garden at Capitol Park

i can't even describe how excited i am about this trend. i think this must be what a boner feels like.

'Violent sex' ad led to murder of WABC newsman George Weber, confesses teen: Cops

not to be crass, but does this mean there's a 1-bedroom available in carroll gardens?

does it have a view?

Son of Sylvia Plath Commits Suicide - NYTimes.com

...probably could have called that one.

today in "things my boyfriend called out when mostly asleep this morning"

"New York Times!"

today in "things my boyfriend called out when mostly asleep this morning"*

"Babylon Five!"

[*ed. note: while this category could sustain a blog all on its own, i think i will instead make it a semi-regular feature here. i expect great things.]

just in case

the world needs another reason to fall in love with paul "fart sounds" rudd (and whoever that other guy is):

i think this was my ex-boyfriend's theory too.

getting stuffed, or getting porked

am i a total perv, or is there something vaguely dirty about the way mark bittman fingers this pork roast? (the good stuff starts around 1:06)

i'm not gonna lie, i'd probably at least taste this.

George Clooney: The Other White Meat(like Product) - E! Online

they're grrrrrrrrr...

goddammit. i was all, "i'd boycott kellogg's, but i never buy cereal anyway," and then i remembered that KELLOGG'S OWNS EVERYTHING. motherfucker.

the only cereal i ever buy is kashi. who owns kashi? tony the fucking tiger.

i think seth said it best:

if by "these money mistakes", you mean sprinkling my checkbook with sulfuric acid, then no, i assure you, i am not.

oh, williamsburg...

Hairy Situation

Brooklyn, home of the ironic beard, hosts the 2009 Beard and Moustache Championships at Public Assembly on Saturday complete with prizes, a
ZZ Top cover band and more beard-related revelry.

ad placement fail

detox FAIL

oy.

after a long day, i decided to reward myself with a dirty martini or two. after i poured the second one, there was only a tiny little swish of vodka left in the bottle, so i made it a slightly larger-than-usual one. really, it was probably more like two and a half dirty martinii.

i won't even discuss the weird sludge that i noticed in the glass when i was starting the second one (is it possible for a dirty martini to curdle?).

as a coworker reminded me this morning (when i was complaining. bitterly.), i did not really drink any water all day yesterday, which probably contributed to the state i currently find myself in.

i knew i was hung over when i heard myself think, "that looks really good".

and now, semi-relatedly, one of my favorite videos from failblog (you don't need sound to appreciate it):

one-stop shop?

i've never heard of urban trend before, but they seem to have some fun stuff. the one that caught my eye most was this - the "bible affirmation alarm clock", complete with gigantic light-up cross!

*brought to you by the same pious people who brought you russian roulette beer bong.