chatting with my sister

(as one does):

Elizabeth: mom just told me something funny
she said that when she was looking for furniture for florida
she wanted to get it from hooker furniture
so she googled hooker

auto-tune the news

if you haven't seen this, you are either old or amish, but in the interest of completeness, i bring you auto-tune the news:
i disagree with freewilliamsburg and do not think this is the best of the bunch, but it's not bad. stick with it at least through 2:00, when hillary comes in. is there anything that woman can't do? i mean, besides win a democratic primary.

the other sexy george

and lots of other cute, quirky and clever images over at "inspire me, now!" worth checking out.

deep in the magic underwear of new hampshire

becca and i are planning a party in honor of our 13-year anniversary/the bat mitzvah of our bat mitzvah. it's a strictly A-list event, as you can imagine, so don't take it too personally if you don't get the invite. it just means you're not awesome enough to party with us.

anyhoodle, we are in the early stages of designing and drafting the aforementioned invite, and i wanted to include some of the lyrics from our (very jewish) camp song.

deep in the hills of new hampshire, under a cloudy sky
stands our camp young judaea, whose spirit will never die
she tries to instill in us the spirit of pioneers
which symbolizes the hope of the future years*

(lots of lines i can't remember)

we treasure the friendships we've made here, we're true to the blue and white
deep in the hills of new hampshire, the lamp of the future burns bright

* no, it's not just you. this makes no sense.

knowing it was a longshot, i typed one line of the lyrics that i remembered into Google, and got one hit: the mormon church.


(i cannot emphasize this enough: i am NOT kidding.)

what do these things have in common?

"hermione fuck"
"WHAT IS GETTING PORKED"
"hairy hunk blogspot.com"

(answer will be revealed later this week)

UPDATE: the answer! all of the above are search terms that have led interwebs-savvy computer users to my humble blog. new additions are "getting porked" (x2!), "detox fail", and "Bible Affirmation Alarm Clock".

eye candy

because it is, again, just one of those days. you're welcome:

twitter? i hardly knew her.

yes, i recognize the silly redundancy of blogging about news stories that are about twitter. that said, there is a lot of interesting/ridiculous shit going on in the twitterverse that you should know about. particularly entertaining is watching old people - the news media, politicians, my friend jared - try to "get" what it's all about and understand the (extraordinarily simple) nuts and bolts of how twitter actually works. of interest:

• why jared doesn't twitter


• utah attorney general tries to send a text message, sends his secret plans to twitter instead


• kanye west flips his caps-locked shit because someone created a fake account in his name

scratch that -

this one is better:

i love this ad

but i can't say i understand it. first of all, what about my facebook account causes content-sensitive advertising to point to anger management? is it because i took the "which celebrity should you marry" quiz? actually, it might be that - or, the result that i should marry johnny depp.

but seriously - who is this woman supposed to be? is she the recovered rage-a-holic? or is she the loved one that i'm hurting? if so, why doesn't she have visible bruises?

there's a first time for everything

i'm... jealous of hilary duff?

seriously. i want chevy chase to hug me like this:

can someone please explain this ad to me?

i just... don't understand.

the road to a professional degree is... yoga? seriously. i'm baffled.

[from nytimes.com]

today in "things my boyfriend called out when mostly asleep this morning"

"i don't want a duck!"

a text message i actually had to send

that i am going senile is no longer up for debate:

me: i need you to do me a favor when you get home - look in the oven. if there is a sweet potato in there, let me know. don't ask.

Maria Shriver plans vegetable garden at Capitol Park

i can't even describe how excited i am about this trend. i think this must be what a boner feels like.

'Violent sex' ad led to murder of WABC newsman George Weber, confesses teen: Cops

not to be crass, but does this mean there's a 1-bedroom available in carroll gardens?

does it have a view?

Son of Sylvia Plath Commits Suicide - NYTimes.com

...probably could have called that one.

today in "things my boyfriend called out when mostly asleep this morning"

"New York Times!"

today in "things my boyfriend called out when mostly asleep this morning"*

"Babylon Five!"

[*ed. note: while this category could sustain a blog all on its own, i think i will instead make it a semi-regular feature here. i expect great things.]

just in case

the world needs another reason to fall in love with paul "fart sounds" rudd (and whoever that other guy is):

i think this was my ex-boyfriend's theory too.