an open letter to fat people

dear fat people,

you're fat. i totally respect that. i fully support the whole "refusing-to-conform-to-society's-demands" thing, and i think most of what doctors tell us is hogwash. working out sucks, dieting sucks more, big is beautiful, and cheese is delicious. for the most part, i'm on your side.

for the most part.

because, you see, dear fatties, i do have one very serious bone to pick with you (get it? because they love to eat). if and when you find yourself needing to walk down the sidewalk in manhattan - although i understand that you must necessarily move slowly, and i also understand that such an undertaking is eased by the presence of one of your similarly tubby friends - it is NOT necessary that the two (or three! or more!) of you walk side by side. it's just not. these sidewalks are narrow, and there are 8 million more new yorkers (many of us faster-moving) who would like to get by. and, while i suspect you would not be ok with me grabbing the rolls around your midsection and hollering, "outta the way, tons o'fun!", i am not above doing so if that's what it takes to get me home and to my knitting-and-a-glass-of-wine raucous evening plans a little faster.

so, please, for your sakes and mine, let's try single file.

love and jiggles,
julie

last night's sleep

in case you were wondering, it turned out to be: not well.

poofy-neck kept me up and tossing and turning for most of the night.

perhaps tellingly, an online dream interpretation guide tells me, under the entry for "neck", that

To see your neck in your dream, signifies the relationship between the mind/mental and the body/physical. It represents willpower, self-restriction and your need to control your feelings and keep them in check. Consider the familiar phrase, "don't stick your neck out" which serves as a warning against a situation.

To dream that your neck is injured, indicates a separation between your heart and mind.

To dream of a thick neck, signifies that you are becoming very quarrelsome and quick-tempered.

fortunately for me, i'm far too tired to quarrel with anyone. Anyway, the aforepictured neck qualifies, in my opinion, not as "thick" per se, but more as "flaboobly", which doesn't appear anywhere in my dream guide.

alas.

shut up, myspace. you're not the boss of me.

pretty slick

maybe you're wondering what could have drawn me out of my "i love new york"-and-miso coma and compelled me to blog again. i've got one word for you: bitching.

i'm not just going to bitch about the 100% ridic coldness going on today. that's pretty friggin' unoriginal. no, i'm going to bitch about other aspects of the weather. that's right. the flippin' freezing rain that assaulted me on my way to work today.

normally, i love that i live within easy walking distance of my office. but "easy" is relative, and when you feel like your body is being used for target practice by an army of angry Littles with tiny (but precious!) BB guns for fifteen minutes, that walk starts to seem awfully long.

but i'm tough, and i'm from colder climes, and it wouldn't have been so bad, if i hadn't been SALTED. TWICE. while just trotting down the sidewalk and minding my own unsalty business. have you seen those guys? they push what look like itty bitty wheelbarrows down the sidewalk and you don't realize until it's too late that they fire rocket-propelled balls of salt at the ankles of passerby. i guess they're trying to do a public service and melt the little icicles that were forming inside my shoes, but that really did nothing for the shellacking of ice i wore as a hat when i showed up at my office. late.

alas.