DO NOT LOOK AT THIS

...unless you are prepared to vomit.

Scientists Tie Two Additional Genes to Dyslexia

how funny would it be if the Times deliberately misspelled a bunch of words and transposed letters in this article?








i know, i'm going to hell.

how to write a childrens book

i'm really tempted to link this to this article.

(note: if you haven't seen this already, it's definitely worth a look. but not at work.)

this is really, really stupid.

PETA wants Iams to stop testing their dog food on dogs. I think they're right. That's cruel. Afer all, dogs can't even buy dog food. So why should we care if they like it or not?

glamorosity update

the trailers are encroaching! today, they were on my block too, across the street from my building. according to my doorman, it's a nicholas cage movie called "September". further investigation (i.e. looking up NC on imdb) revealed this project, which i imagine is what we are seeing. now, the one remaining question: how do we find maggie gyllenhaal (also in the movie), and how do we get her to convince jake to come make out with me?

such glamour, so close to home

there is DEFINITELY a big-budget movie being filmed on the block next to mine. on the way to food emporium a few minutes ago, i passed an entire avenue block of trailers and self-important producer-type people, and a bunch of roadies. and i defintely saw the wardrobe trailer. and one of the arty-looking, cigarette-smoking dudes definitely tried to pick me up.

what's one place that's even more exciting to live in than harvard square? yes, that's right. midtown fucking manhattan.

i'm never leaving.

they played it with WHAT?!

the big wheels at anheuser-busch were shocked - shocked! - to learn that people were playing "bud pong" with... beer. and not water, as any reasonable person would have expected, right?

no one warns you

how easy it is to eat an entire bag of rice cakes in 2 days.

my new favorite anonymous person

LONDON (Reuters) - The "flying" Ford Anglia used in the Harry Potter films has been stolen from a film studio lot, police said on Friday.

"For those who have not seen the Harry Potter films, this is the car that flies in the movies and is very well known," a police spokesman said.

The blue Anglia went missing from South West Film Studios at St Agnes in the southwestern English county of Cornwall.

"The film prop was being stored under a tarpaulin. It was not in good condition and could not have been driven away under its own steam," the police spokesman said.

whoever stole this thing is officially my hero. Come forward, awesome prankster, so i can hug you. and take the anglia for a spin.

quotes of the day, courtesy of google

Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.
- Lane Olinghouse

A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.
- Roald Dahl

why? WHY?!

another important how-to

how to get your house egged. courtesy of patsy.

FUCKING ROCK ON

saw margaret cho at the union square barnes and noble tonight. she was there promoting her new book, i have chosen to stay and fight, which i very much hope to have the opportunity to purchase/steal very soon (as soon as i stop spending my rent money on sushi or someone leaves a copy unattended in my presence). she did a reading and a q&a, and she is every bit as awesome in person as on the small screen. to whet your insatiable cho-ppetite, material included an extended but not un-hilarious rant about ann coulter or, as cho calls her, Cunta Kinte.

maybe you had to be there.

she was skinnier than i had expected, which saddened me a little, given her history of eating disorders. but still. FUCKING AWESOME.

no, i'm not drunk this time.

it's a good thing he's a righty

Naked man orders coffee while masturbating
Canadian PressOct. 26, 2005 10:31 AM

WOODSTOCK, Ont. - A man who drove up to a Tim Hortons drive-thru while stark naked and masturbating has pleaded guilty to committing an indecent act, saying "fantasy" got the best of him. A female employee at the restaurant in nearby Thamesford took an order for a large coffee just past midnight on Oct. 3, prosecutor Michael Carnegie told court Tuesday. When the car pulled up to the window, the employee noticed a man alone in the vehicle, completely nude and masturbating, Carnegie said.

The man handed money to the employee with his unoccupied left hand, court heard. The employee wrote down the car's licence plate number and called police. When the 38-year-old Woodstock man met with police after the incident, he admitted to doing "a bad thing" and suggested he did it "for the thrill," court heard. Joseph Priddle will be sentenced Dec. 6.

anyone else think this would be just the best place ever to commit suicide?

oh WOW

so, i know i've posted about this more than once already, but i can't get over it. these little white supremacists are my newest morbid obsession, especially since i found their "discussion forum". what really nabbed my eye was their new "modeling" gig:

so robert downey jr went to the opera

DUBLIN (Reuters) - Rehearsals for an Irish opera met with an unusual hitch after customs officers seized cocaine from a truck delivering theatrical sets to a Dublin theater preparing to stage one of opera's finest works.

The head of Opera Ireland said British customs found the 13 pounds of drugs while checking a shipment of sets and costumes en route from Germany to Ireland for a production of Verdi's "La Traviata."

The opera company said it had no idea where the drugs came from and feared if the clothes and props did not arrive within a week the production would not go ahead as planned next month.

"This is not of our doing, believe me," said Opera Ireland CEO David Collopy. "We don't know how the drugs got in there."

13 pounds?? i understand the need for a little hit of the blow every now and again, but jesus, who were they dealing to? the entire fashion industry?

a very important how-to

here is a piece detailing how to be the lamest-ass kid on the block for halloween. it seems to me that you shouldn't have to explain to someone how to make a shitty bumblebee costume if you are taking it for granted that they already have a yellow sweatshirt, black electrical tape, yellow and black face paint, and a fucking antennae headband. but that's just me.

next up: "how to make a wonderwoman costume: buy a wonderwoman costume. put it on."

on my lunch break...

while taking a much-needed break from my grueling 9-to-5 e-mailing with certain friends, i stumbled upon this orgasm-inducing recipe. i want to make it RIGHT NOW. but i suppose i'll wait til i get home. and nuts.

today's gold box gem

be a good citizen,

and vote for your favorite slogans for gawker's next set of clever tees. or, at the very least, go to the page and read the hysterical list of suggested ones and have yourself a giggle.

fyi

i was incredibly drunk when i wrote last night's post. impressed? me too.

goat-poo makeup!!

and, in a related story, harriet miers withdrew her nomination. i guess now that he has gone through the motions of nominating a woman, georgie is in the clear to pick another southern conservative white male. hey, wasn't i saying just last night that that is exactly what the supreme court needs?

awesome

so, tonight was the Ivy Tower halloween party. it was absolutely everything we dreamed it would be, including, but not limited to, frank the weird starey-gym guy introducing himself. for those of you who wondered, josh is now my boyfriend. anyway, good times were had by all, namely, me, josh, catherine, nicole, and amelia.

today, someone suggested that we need a name for our "gang", which i am not willing to come up with, but which will be featured in my sitcom if someone comes up with something clever.

this just in: wnba star is GAY

holy shit! next thing you know, they'll be telling me that there's a supermodel who does coke!

you + me = us

can someone please tell me why this showed up in my amazon.com gold box?

apparently, it's a spoon rest.

and also, wtf

is happening with the onion today?

proud to be an american, within reason

as you may have guessed by now, i spend most of my "working" hours reading the Times online. this is a moderately manipulative article from today's paper, that discusses "the war" by telling the stories of a bunch of fallen soldiers and the families they left behind.

Bob Krieger, 53, a corporate pilot from near Grand Rapids, Mich., said that during two tours in Iraq, his son had seen a friend shot dead, retrieved the bodies of fellow marines blown to pieces by roadside bombs and endured close calls of his own, including having a rocket-propelled grenade shot through his pant leg.

that is a close call. it's like, last night, i dropped one of the parts of my 99-cent corkscrew into the sink drain and had to fish it out of the disposal with a serving spoon and a fork. i almost lost a hand!

braved the suddenly blistering cold for...

an excellent evening out!

cheap wine + sushi + finally getting to meet nicole's roommate (who, i learned, does actually exist, and is just lovely) + bitching about men + tasti d-lite + peppermint tea + unbelievable new red swishy pants = fun times had by all

:)

never underestimate american intelligence... you probably can't.

as someone who is borderline retarded when it comes to world history and current events, i generally appreciate it when the Times explains things to me that most of its other educated readers probably already know. but sometimes, they over-explain a little. it's actually kind of insulting. for example, take this clip from today's article about the afghan drug lord who was extradited to the US:

Mr. Mohammad was also accused of using drug profits to support terrorism and the Taliban, the Islamic fundamentalist party that ruled Afghanistan for years and was allied with Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden.

now, honestly, what percentage of Times readers don't know what the taliban is? i mean, if i know, and even i think it's a dumb thing to explain, then chances are, most of your educated adults (i.e. the vast majority of people bothering to read this bitch) will have a clue.

the article was pretty interesting, though. i mean, i didn't know that 87% of the world's heroin comes from afghanistan, or that it is a main source of the taliban's money. i guess those inane public service announcements about how smoking pot makes you a terrorist were founded in a grain of truth... sorta. maybe if they hadn't also treaded into pregnancy land, someone would have taken them seriously. but probably not.

i'm george macclellan!

at patsy's (a.k.a. julius caesar) example, i took this weird little quiz. the american history retard that i am, i don't know anything about this guy beyond okcupid's description, but... i guess it sounds like me... if i were an army general...

George MacClellan

You scored 48 Wisdom, 64 Tactics, 38 Guts, and 20 Ruthlessness!

Like General McClellan, you're smart enough to know what tactical decisions to make. However, the problem with McClellan is that he could never sprout the balls to act on his information, and in the end, that's why Geoge McClellan is only a sidenote in the history books.
After graduating from West Point, he served with distinction in the Mexican War and later worked on various engineering projects, notably on the survey (1853-54) for a Northern Pacific RR route across the Cascade Range. Resigning from the army in 1857, he was a railroad official until the outbreak of the Civil War. In May, 1861, McClellan was made commander of the Dept. of the Ohio and a major general in the regular army. He cleared the western part of Virginia of Confederates (June-July, 1861) and consequently, after the Union defeat in the first battle of Bull Run, was given command of the troops in and around Washington. In November he became general in chief. The administration, reflecting public opinion, pressed for an early offensive, but McClellan insisted on adequate training and equipment for his army. In Mar., 1862, he was relieved of his supreme command, but he retained command of the Army of the Potomac, with which in Apr., 1862, he initiated the Peninsular campaign . The collapse of this campaign after the Seven Days battles was charged by many to his overcaution. In Aug., 1862, most of McClellan's troops were reassigned to the Army of Virginia under John Pope . After Pope's defeat at the second battle of Bull Run, McClellan again reorganized the Union forces, and in the Antietam campaign he checked Robert E. Lee's first invasion of the North. He was slow, however, to follow Lee across the Potomac and in Nov., 1862, was removed from his command.

wow. we totally suck.

this is an article from today's Times, in which a guy named keith reinhard explains why the world hates americans. for all of his great ideas about how we can try to make them like us more, i'm more inclined to just apply for canadian citizenship.

my favorite part of the interview is where he throws out some of the numbers:

In terms of favorability ratings, we're now at an all-time low. In an 18-month period, between the summer of 2002 and spring of last year, in Britain, our favorability dropped from 75 percent to 58 percent. In France, it dropped from 63 percent to 37 percent, and in Germany from 61 to 38 percent.

so... basically, keith, what you're telling us is, before we strutted into iraq and liberated those motherfuckers, more than half of these friendly europeans actually liked us. now, the majority don't. how curious...

oh, and as a parting gift, here's one particularly cute excerpt:

In Germany, I asked an executive to tell me about his perception that Americans were arrogant. He said, "O.K., Wal-Mart makes their German employees stand up every morning and sing the Wal-Mart song. We're uncomfortable about that in view of our history."

i hear quebec city is beautiful in the fall.

overheard in... my office!

"the problem with jager is, once you put it on the luge, everything else tastes like jager, too..."
- the girl who sits next to me, on the phone

did i mention i work in a bank?

personal updates - and - celebrity sighting!

1) i've made a relatively landmark decision, for anyone who cares: i'm going to try to train for a half-marathon. ideally, this will just be the first step on the road to a real marathon. i haven't decided which one i'm going to do, or when, but i'm going to start training relatively seriously and take it from there. feel free to be supportive.

2) my new athletic aspirations were slightly hampered when i injured myself friday night: in standard hubris, i felt the need to prove that i can still do a full split. i can't. old age has bitten me hard on the ass and i pulled a hamstring. i think it's ok now, and i ran an easy 4 miles today, but my pride will take a little longer to recover.

3) saw shopgirl tonight. aside from the score (which was outrageously grating), it was pretty good. but was even cooler than shopgirl was seeing b-rate celebrity david morse at haru beforehand. ok, i can't take credit for the celeb id; it was my friend patsy who recognized the guy. to be completely fair, i haven't seen a single movie he has been in. but still. i feel cool. and even cooler than seeing one of the stars of the green mile was the to-die-for sushi. i'm drooling all over my keyboard just thinking about it.

room update!

so, to explain the title of this blog, we now have a wall in our apartment. what does this mean for me, you ask? i have a room. yes, a real room, with four walls and a proper door. it fucking rocks. i could even lock my door, if i suspected my roommate was planning to rob me and was secretly borrowing from my selection of sex toys. i'm not saying i think she is or isn't. i'm just saying. will post pictures of my fabulous, feng shui'd room as soon as my camera batteries charge.

kansas goes romeo and mercutio

from an ap article about a law that is being - thankfully - expanded, to apply to the gays as well...

Kansas law prohibits any sexual activity involving a person under 16, regardless of the context. The 1999 ''Romeo and Juliet'' law specifies short prison sentences or probation for sexual activity when an offender is under 19 and the age difference between participants is less than four years -- but only for opposite-sex encounters.

because "romeo and juliet" wasn't at all fucked up.

in other news, massachusetts law prohibits the use of drugs, unless you're using them to subdue someone into having sex with you - someone of the opposite sex.

in case you just couldn't get enough...

the aforementioned little klannies have their own blog.

i had to put this somewhere

apparently, these pretty (admittedly generic-looking), blonde, 13-year-old girls are the next olsen twins -- the next NAZI olsen twins. intrigued by a post on gawker, i found this excerpt of an interview with them. below are my favorite parts. a prize goes to whoever can guess at exactly which part i had to pause and vomit on my keyboard (which, by the by, made me even less popular in the office).

"These gals will be breaking new ground, and will also capture the imagination of young boys and girls all across the world. The impact could be huge and their influence will encourage 'copycats' ...creating an entire genre of pro-White music. ...I'm hanging on the edge of my seat with anticipation."

IS THERE ANYTHING CUTER than two identical twin twelve-year-old girls who have a band together? How about if they dress in matching plaid skirts—that ups the cuteness quotient, right? And what if they perform folky versions of classic racist songs by bands like Skrewdriver and Rahowa? Whoa! Now we are heading into the cute danger zone.

What do you think is the most important social issue facing the white race right now? Do you have any songs that address this issue?
Not having enough white babies born to replace ourselves and generally not having good-quality white people being born. It seems like smart white girls who have good eugenics are more interested in making money in a career or partying than getting married and having a family. And yes, we are working on some new songs about this issue.

Please tell me the significance of the name Prussian Blue.
Part of our heritage is Prussian German. Also our eyes are blue, and Prussian Blue is just a really pretty color. There is also the discussion of the lack of "Prussian Blue" coloring (Zyklon B residue) in the so-called gas chambers in the concentration camps. We think it might make people question some of the inaccuracies of the "Holocaust" myth.

What are some of your favorite groups, either current or past?
We really like Avril Lavigne, Evanescence, Three Days Grace, Green Day, AC/DC, and Alison Krauss. For racial groups we like Final War, CutThroat, Saga, Max Resist, Youngland, Brutal Attack, and of course Skrewdriver. But our all-time favorite is Barney the purple dinosaur!

yeah. that's what i said too. and for your perusal, here's the little darlings' site. and, according to the abcnews article gawker was working from, the angels wanted to help victims of hurricane katrina. how sweet, right?:

Like many children across the country, Lamb and Lynx decided to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina — the white ones. The girl's donations were handed out by a White Nationalist organization who also left a pamphelet promoting their group and beliefs — some of the intended recipients were more than a little displeased. After a day of trying, the supplies ended up with few takers, dumped at a local shop that sells Confederate memorabilia.

um. yeah. wow.