R.I.P., my lovely self-indulgent crap-pile.

to make it finally, really, truly official: midtown mayhem is hereby retired. put out to pasture. gone the way of old yeller and, more recently, aaron spelling.

(might as well go down in flames, right?)

it's been real, kiddies. be good. stay in school. don't drink and drive, unless you really like to party. good night, and good luck.

(for a select few, i may, at some point in the future, begin blogging again elsewhere. if you want to be notified if/when/where this happens, contact me. i will not be posting again here.)

because i can't *not*

behold my dollfaced boytoy pal tommy, the next jim carrey, or so sayeth the new york times:

Children Get Into the Act in 'Tempest Tossed Fools'
By ANITA GATES

In audience-participation children's theater, the children don't always understand the rules. At Monday night's performance of the Millennium Talent Group's rowdy, colorful "Tempest Tossed Fools," for instance, when the King of Naples wailed about where his missing son might be, one little girl in the audience piped up, "I think he's behind that curtain." She repeated her comment several times but was ignored.

Otherwise the interaction seemed to go according to plan, with children calling out animal names when asked and going onstage to dance; making wind, rain and lightning noises; and participating in a particularly undemanding limbo contest.

"Tempest Tossed Fools," written and directed by Sarah Rosenberg and described as a musical reimagining of "The Tempest," uses some of Shakespeare's original language but relies heavily on contemporary Americanization ("Like cool!"), pop-culture references ("Yo quiero Taco Bell") and slapstick to keep the audience entertained.

It's not clear how much Shakespeare is absorbed in such a production, but the basic plot is fairly easy to understand. Prospero, the Duke of Milan, and his daughter are shipwrecked on an island with only a monster and a sprite for company. Prospero commands the sprite, Ariel, to cause another shipwreck and cast spells on the survivors.

The daughter falls in love with one survivor. (The only other males she has ever seen are her father and the monster, so it's a lucky break that the guy is a handsome prince.) Some drunken sailors do comic bits, Prospero gets his crown back, and everybody dances for joy.

Ariel is played nicely by the grown-up Anna Chlumsky, who starred in the film "My Girl" (1991) when she was pushing 11. Kevin Barry is properly dignified as Prospero. Rebecca Navarro plays his daughter, Miranda, like one of those spoiled rich teenagers on an MTV reality series.

As Stephano, Tommy Dickie displays a Jim Carrey-like ease with goofy physical comedy. [ed. note: he is also one fine piece of ass] And as the King of Naples, Diego Kelman Ajuz is delightfully, fearlessly committed to outright silliness.

"Tempest Tossed Fools" is at the Manhattan Ensemble Theater, 55 Mercer Street,SoHo, through June 29; (212) 239-6200.