every time i look for an apartment, it seems like CL is more and more clogged with shit apartments, scams, and price gougers. for any and all of you wide-eyed new grads moving to the big city, beware. some of these apply to apartment-hunting in general, some are city-specific:
1. if it looks too good to be true, it is.
2. if it seems too cheap, it is.
3. if it seems too expensive, it is.
4. it is too expensive.
5. if it says "fort greene" or "clinton hill", it's in bed-stuy.
6. if it says "prospect heights", it's in crown heights.
7. if it says "park slope", it's probably in sunset park.
8. if it says "upper west side", it's in harlem.
9. if it says "upper east side", it's probably in spanish harlem.
10. if it says "prime", it's not.
11. if it says "cozy", it's a closet, and not even a walk-in one.
12. if it claims that the bedroom "holds a queen-sized bed", imagine a room with a mattress for a floor.
13. if it says that it is "steps to" anything, find out exactly how many steps, and make sure you're measuring with normal person legs, not giraffe legs or smoots.
14. if it says "charming", it's not.
15. if the listing boasts proximity to a rite-aid, duane reade, other drugstore, corner deli, or grocery store, run the other way.
16. if anyone wants to send you their keys from london, nigeria, turkmenistan, etc, let them, but don't send them any money.
17. don't give anyone any money until you move in and haven't been arrested for trespassing.
18. there is no such thing as "east williamsburg"; it's called bushwick.
19. counterintuitively, you probably don't want to live anywhere with "beach" in its name.
20. if the listing names a borough but not a neighborhood, it's not anywhere you want to be.
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