(disclaimer: obviously, i stole this idea from here.)
You get an e-mail from your friend, S, describing a "speed dating" event and asking if you'd be interested in going to it with her.
What do you want to do now?
>LACK FORESIGHT
You respond to her e-mail agreeing that it sounds like fun, and buy a ticket.
>RATIONALIZE STUPID BEHAVIOR
You convince yourself that you can get your money's worth at the "1-hour open wine bar and free hors d'oeuvres".
It is the day of the event.
>WASTE MONEY
You take a cab to the upper west side.
S is here.
>GO INSIDE
You are in a small room with S.
No one else is here.
>LOOK DOWN
No one else is here.
>LOOK DOWN
There are many very short people here.
>FIND ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE
There are a few attractive women here.
>FIND ATTRACTIVE MEN
There are no attractive men here.
>FIND BAR
There is no bar here.
>FIND HORS D'OEUVRES
Where the fuck do you think you are? This is a JCC or something.
There is a small table with cheese and crackers, vegetables and dip.
There is a small table with some bottles of kosher wine on it.
>GET DRUNK
You drink half a bottle of bad white wine.
You are drunk.
>FIND ATTRACTIVE MEN
There are no attractive men here.
>EMBARRASS SELF
Your fly is open.
>DRINK MORE
You drink some more wine.
You are hammered.
It is time for the event to begin.
>MEET UGLY MEN
You spend 3 minutes each with a bajillion different ugly men.
None of them are worth more than 3 minutes of your time.
>LOWER STANDARDS
None of them are worth more than 3 minutes of your time.
>LOWER STANDARDS
None of them are worth more than 3 minutes of your time.
>LOWER STANDARDS
None of them are worth more than 3 minutes of your time.
>DRINK MORE
You drink some more wine.
You are plastered.
>LOWER STANDARDS
None of them are worth more than 3 minutes of your time.
>EMBARRASS SELF
You fall out of your chair.
>DRINK MORE
You drink some more wine.
You are fucking trashed.
>LOWER STANDARDS
Purely out of curiosity and embarrassment, you circle "Yes" for five of the gazillion ugly men.
>IMMEDIATELY REGRET DECISION
That was a very, very stupid idea.
>HIT ROCK BOTTOM
The event organizer tries to hit on you.
>LEAVE THIS PLACE
You sob quietly on the subway.
>CHANGE PHONE NUMBER AND E-MAIL ADDRESS
Yes, you probably should.
2 comments:
Fantastic. But then again, I'm a Zork fan. Also agree re Nick. (Who I think was at the party that you and Maggie came to, and which you dissed, btw).
jesus, didn't you talk to anyone before hand about what make of trolls show up at those things? you must be new in town.
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