mean bitches

i'm always dissatisfied with the options they give you in those multiple-choice quizzes in teenbloids. other than that minor problem, i think they provide a handy tool for assessing your worth as a human being. below, i have pasted the "are you a mean girl?" quiz from an eons-old YM that i stumbled upon online, updated to include my personal choices as to what the correct response is to each item. enjoy.

Are You A Mean Girl?

In the new film Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan plays a nice girl gone nasty. Take this quiz to see where you stand.

1. A pretty girl is a new student at your school. What is your first reaction?

Leave her alone. She's just another girl — one of hundreds at your school.

Immediately start circulating a few rumors about her. You'd rather your friends think of her as a juvenile delinquent who was expelled from her last school than the new hot chick.

Go right up to her with a big smile and show her the ropes. She must be so nervous!

spike her drink in the cafeteria and stash her lifeless body in the boys lacrosse team's locker room.


2. Amanda, your nemesis since grammar school, was seen talking to the school drug dealer. Do you take advantage of what you've seen to create some bad publicity?

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it bad publicity. It's just something my closest friends might want to know about."

"Heck, yeah! Spreading this info all over school will totally ruin her rep, while making me look much cooler for having the scoop."

"No! I have better things to do with my time than gossip."

blackmail her into sharing... that stingy bitch.


3. Your best friend has a huge crush on a hot guitar player at school. When you see him, what do you do?

Nothing. You'll give her a pep talk on how to flirt with him later.

You march right up to him, flash a huge smile, and tell him how his music makes your heart all aflutter.

March right up to him and let him know the deal. So what if your friend will be totally humiliated. Somebody's got to get the ball rolling.

take off your shirt.


4. You overhear one of your friends complaining about another one of your girlfriends. Do you confront them, even though what they're saying is true?

You stick up for your friend because she isn't there to defend herself.

You quietly listen to the conversation and then tell your friend exactly what was said. You love a little drama.

You join in on the conversation but preface all of your complaints with "She's a nice girl, but..."

You point out that their parents probably got divorced because they stopped loving their children, and maybe they should think about that for a little while.


5. Your friend was elected captain of the soccer team, a position you've had your eye on. How do you handle this defeat?

Steal her cleats and tell the coach she has a problem with skipping class.

Try not to think about it, but play your heart out to get recognition from the coach.

Of course you're upset, but you think she deserves it. She's a great player and leader.

break the bitch's kneecaps.


6. Your best friend forgot to call you last Friday night to tell you about a party. Do you seek revenge or let it go?

"I'll let it go. But I'll ask all of my other friends if she's been talking about me behind my back to make sure nothing else is going on that I don't know about."

"I let it go because it was an honest mistake. I got to get some extra beauty sleep anyway."

Sweet, sweet revenge! "I will strategically lose my cell next weekend."

break the bitch's kneecaps.


7. Final exams are coming up and your girlfriends are coming over for a study group. You ...

Tell them to bring over their own food because you don't have the time or the energy to do it yourself. If they want it, they bring it..

Tell your friend Sarah that your friend Lisa is bringing carrots and celery for you all to snack on because Sarah looks like she's packed on a few pounds.

Make tons of snacks for the girls. You need all the energy you can get for a night of studying.

strategically fuck each of their boyfriends.


8. Before class, you take a quick drive to the local juice bar, leaving your friend in the car. When you return...

you tell your friend that wheatgrass is the new "it" drink in Hollywood and that you're surprised she didn't ask for one. Maybe she doesn't deserve to hang in your clique if she isn't up on what's hot and trendy.

you have your drink in one hand and your keys in the other. She should have asked for something if she wanted it.

you come back with two shots of wheatgrass. You figured she needs a boost, too.

you bitchslap her for changing the radio station to soft rock while you were gone.


9. You see that your best friend sat in some gum. What do you do?

Ignore that fact. You think its funny that she's talking to her crush with Trident on her butt!

You were too busy checking out the guys to notice.

You tell her. She would be mortified if you didn't! Plus, she would tell you if you had gum on your pants.

smell it. if it's peppermint, pull it off her ass and reuse it.


10. When there is a major brawl in your group of friends, which person are you?

The quiet one who doesn't say anything either way.

The peacemaker.

The outspoken one who says what the other girls won't.

the construction worker. wait, what was the question?


11. Have you ever dated a guy that your friend once had her eye on?

Too many times to count. "I can't help it if the boys like me better."

"Yes, but she wasn't dating him or anything."

"Nope. That would just be wrong!"

does anal count?


12. In your closet, how many articles of clothing do you have that belong to one of your friends, but she doesn't know you have it?

0 to 3

8 to 10

4 to 7

those rags? nigga, please.