so, you probably watched the oscars last night. you also probably don't care what i have to say about it. but, you know what? fuck you.

patsy's angry review notwithstanding, i had a great time watching the show. having only seen a few of the relevant or even vaguely relevant movies (capote, match point, and brokeback), i wasn't qualified to care much about any of the awards, but here were the take-home points:

jon stewart: not in top form, but pretty good for network tv. i still love him for miles.

ben stiller: still a one-trick pony, but as long as that one trick is good (as it was last night) i'm on board.

the wilson brothers: yes, owen looks chubby. but they were adorable and probably entertaining, though i wasn't really listening but fantasizing about having a three-way with both of them. it's not incest if i'm there, right?

will ferrell and steve carell: BEST. PAIRING. EVER. also on my "to-do" list, along with...

george clooney: good god, man. hot. hot. fucking. god. so... HOT.

sorry. george clooney does things to me. and surely deserves two bullet points for his HOTNESS.

did i mention that george clooney is really fucking hot?

salma hayek: shockingly hot. easily the hottest woman in attendance, and the second hottest person overall. my to-do list is getting really long. and diverse.

michelle williams: you may think she looked like a creamsicle, but i think she looked stunning, especially for someone who chooses to live in brooklyn.

nicole kidman: plastic.

jennifer aniston: it's getting harder and harder to keep liking her.

charlize theron: bravely waiting for surgeons to figure out how to safely remove the ginormous ribbon tumor taking over her left side.

george clooney: call me.